Szayel and Yylfordt
by starlightwraith
Summary: Can Szayelaporro survive high school with his older brother working to slander his reputation, a sex-crazed Nnoitra trying to frame him as a homosexual in front of his crush, a stuck up rival trying to outshine him at science around every corner, and a half-brother threatening to steal the heart of his childhood friend? A highschool AU. I am Not Kubo and I don't own Bleach
1. Chapter 1

"Not a chance in hell" Said 17 year old Yylfordt Granz stubbornly.

"Language, young man" Said his mom sternly.

"It won't kill you to be a decent older brother and show Szayel around highschool on his first day"

"Knowing Szayel, it very well could" the blond retorted.

"Let me assure you, mother that the feeling is mutual" Interjected his pink haired brother acidly.

"I have no desire to be associated with Yylfordt and his fellow cronies at any point during my enrollment period in High School"

"You make it sound as though talking like that will get you into the popular crowd" Snapped Yylfordt, never one with a high tolerance for Szayel's speech patterns.

"Well, if the dominant discourse in our education environment is similar to the talk of a simple-minded Barbarian such as the likes of yourself, I'm not sure I _want_ to work my way into the upper ranks of the social hierarchy"

"Oh my god, will somebody just put a sock in his mouth already!" Squawked the older teen.

"Gah!"

Upon hearing Yylfordt's desire to asphixiate Szayel with cloth-based footware, the brothers's little sister, Yachiru had found it upon herself to slake it by leaping onto Szayel's shoulder, prying his mouth open, and stuffing several of her own socks into his oral cavity.

"I put socks into his mouth like you wanted, Blondie!" Squeaked Yachiru jubilantly.

"Did I do good?"

Yylfordt beamed and flashed her a thumbs up.

"Excelent sis. Now don't let him spit the socks out. Make him faint!"  
"Allright!" Cheered the pink haired menace enthusistically.

"Yylfordt Granz! THAT'S ENOUGH!" Shouted a flabbergasted Mrs. Granz.

"Yachiru, what did I tell you about carrying out your brother's assassination attempts?"

"Only if Szayel hasn't done his homework"

"EXACTLY! Now go and play with your dolls"

"Ok" Agreed the pink haired cherub as she aimiable ambled away, aimlessly.

"As for the two of _you!_" Said Mrs. Granz as she coldly turned towards her sons.

"I've had just about enough of the two of you arguing all the time and it isn't healthy for two brothers to grow up harboring the level of hostility that you two harbor towards each other. Hanging out in school will be the perfect opportunity for you two to repair the bond that was frayed upon the arrival of puberty"

"And pray tell, what self-help parenting book did you obtain that tidbit of knowledge mother" Simpered Szayel

"Don't backsass me, young man!" Snapped Mrs. Granz.

"Can't you simply send me off to live with Father?" Protested Szayel helplessly.

"I'd much rather have_ Uryu_ be my guide around _his_ school, and to be honest, I'm told that his institution is much more well suited for intellectual types such as myself"

"We have talked about this a million times already, Szayel" Sighed Mrs. Granz, trying to conceal the hurt she'd felt at her son's blunt expression of his preference to live with her divorced husband, rather than herself.

"Ryuuken has his hands full single handedly raising one child and he doesn't think that he can handle two"

"I am aware that our father hasn't exactly made a recurring prescence in his son's upbringing but surely he's realized at this point that I am no longer a child who constantly requires adult supervision. I am more than capable of functioning on my own and it isn't as though my father is short on welfare. He owns a hospital. I'm sure that two teenage boys are well within the means of his finances."

"You realize that if you go to Karakura high school, then you won't be able to see_ her_ everyday" Sneered Yylfordt cruelly.

Szayel's face turned a complexion identical to his hair.

"T-Tomo* is none of your concern, Yylfordt" He stuttered.

"Well then, you won't mind if I tell Nnoitra that she's officially single" Said his brother.

"Tesra told me that he's been_ dying_ to get in her pants all summer. It's not like Nnoitra _wasn't_ going to try to make a move, if you still care about her. But seeing as you're willing to ditch her to go to Karakura High, then he doesn't have to feel guilty when she goes down-"

We will never know what Yylfordt was going to say at the end of his sentence because at that point, Szayel kicked him square between the legs.

*Szayel's love interest in this story.


	2. Yylfordt's Gang

"Let's get one thing straight, Baby Bro" Snarled Yylfordt

"When you are walking to school with my friends, under no circumstances are you to say anything and under no circumstances are you to walk with us. Do not walk in front of us and do not walk beside us. Stay three feet behind us at all times and I don't care if a maneating lion is behind you. You are to maintain that distance at all times until we reach school. When we get to school, you are to go to your locker without alerting us. Just go. We'll figure out when you're gone for ourselves."

"I'm not entirely sure those miniscule brains of yours will be able to come to such a stretch of a conclusion" Said Szayel coldly.

"I'm feeling generous today, so I won't bust your ass for that comment. "

Szayel opened his mouth to deliver another scathing retort, but unfortunately had no time to do so as Yylfordt ran off to catch up with his band of cronies.

Szayel sighed as he examined each of them.

First there was D-roy, a scrawny short boy whith wiry, yellow-gray hair that stuck out every direction known to man. His mouth suggested that he spent two much time drinking soda and too little in the dentist's office. Clearly he had forgotten to schedule an appointment.

Next, there was Edorad, a colossal giant who looked like he had been held back for more than a couple of grades. Half of his head was shaved while the other half was styled into an elaborate, devil-red mohawk. It certainly was an interesting change up from his previous hairdo.

Next came Nakeem. He was almost as large as Edorad, but where Edorad was muscular, he was fat.

"For the last time, do something about that hideous pudding-bowl of yours" Tsked Szayel silently.

Scolding D-Roy for something or the other was XiaoLong Koufeng, a tall stately looking Asian boy with a gaunt, sallow face that made him appear older than he really was. His tall, imposing slender build and his hooked nose gave him the air of a Victorian school teacher. Szayel pitied the students of the future should he choose to take a job in that field.

Lastly came the leader of the group. Grimmjow Jaggerjack. He was by far the most handsome of all the boys and his hair had been dyed powder blue over the course of the summer. The look suited him fairly well. It wasn't the exact shade of his electrically charged eyes (and neither was the eyeshadow that had clearly been painstakingly applied) but the whole appearance was oddly set off rather well. On the whole, the effect came together rather nicely. Despite the feminine appearance altercation, Szayel knew that nobody in their right mind would want to tease Grimmjow for his eye makeup. He had steadily developed a reputation since the second grade as a troublemaker (when he gave a student two black eyes for a reason long forgotten)

"It doesn't take an expert to tell that all you brutish louts have made no progress in obtaining civilities and are still as oafish and barbaric as you were when we said the parting vows three months ago"

As if someone had held up a meaty treat, the six thugs turned 180s and glared daggers at Szayel. He giggled and put his hand to his mouth.

"Oh my heavens. Pardon me. Was that out loud? I'm so sorry. I had no idea I was within hearing range" He simpered.

"I think you're baby bro is making fun of us, Yylfordt" Rumbled Nakeem.

"That's because he is, you moron" Snapped Edorad.

"Let's beat him black and blue" cackled D-Roy, gleeful at the prospect of a fight.

Grimmjow cracked his knuckles threateningly and turned around to face Szayel- or perhaps a more accurate phrase would be to phase the empty space where Szayel was standing.


	3. Tomo and The Pervert

As Szayel deftly maneuvered his way around the crowds, he desperately tried to put as much distance between himself and the Neanderthals pursuing him. Once or twice, he swore that he could have heard their vopices arguing over which way he could have gone, but in those instances he simply proceeded to melt into the throng of students and permitted his essenceto get carried away with the tide.

At last, after what felt like an eternity of being tossed around a stormy sea of deodorant, Szayel found himself in front of his first period classroom with five minutes before the bell rang. He barely had time to revel in the sweetness that was his victory when-

"Szayel! It's you"

Szayel looked up to see a petit Japanese girl with a slender build and a heart shaped face wearing a pleasantly surprised expression.

"Tomo!" He yelped as he nearly fell off his bench.

"S-sorry I didn't see you there. My bad"

Tomo smiled

"It's ok. Are you nervous about your first day of high school? I know I sure am"

"Of course, I'm not nervous. Why should I be? We are simply moving from one grade of our education to the next. It isn't like we're any closer to graduation. I for one, refuse to buy into this euphoric hype that surrounds the ninth grade which Western media has been stuffing down our throats from the time we learned how to -"

"Oh Szayel. I can tell that you're the same as ever" Laughed the jet-black haired girl.

"I for one, am excited to begin this new chapter of our teenage lives"

"Well, it's not like it will be any different from middle school. Aside from the work load. I have no idea how I will have time to do my science experiments now" Bemoaned Szayel

"I'll be happy to continue as your assistant" Offered Tomo.

"Even a thousand assistants won't be able to open up enough time to perform my experiments to the extent I could in MIddle School"

"Well, take what you have or sulk and be gloomy, It's your choice. We aren't in Middle school anymore and yes, we are getting more homework. That's just the way things are. So you can either adapt, or sulk and lose everything" Chided Tomo kindly but firmly.

"Anyways, I was thinking that we could join the school science club. Won't that be fun?" She suggested enthusiastically.

"Sitting around with a gaggle of overachieving students with no appreciation of science and no motivation other than build up their college resume, building mediocre projects whose quota of brain power required to complete leaves a genius of my caliber with a dangerous excess of unused potential"

"I'm going to take that as a no, Mr. High and Mighty" Joked Tomo as she prodded his arm in jest.

"Well, that's ok. I don't think I would want to be anybody's assistant other than your's"

Szayel smiled. Tomo was one of the few people who not only understood his love of science, but shared it with him and encouraged his gift. And unlike Yylfordt or his parents, she never once made him feel ashamed of his talents. The truth was that Tomo was the only one who didn't make him feel like he had anything to be sorry for. That said, Tomo wasn't one to mollycoddle him when he was acting like an immature, irrational child. When she caught him pushing the envelope she would unsheath her tongue; keen as a razorblade and twice as painful, it could render it's victims to shreds in minutes.

"Tomo, I can't think of anybody in the world who would be more qualified to claim the title as my assistant. I would not have been able to produce succedful results of half my experiments had you not been their to aid me"

Tomo's face turned a rosy red color.

"Just doing what I love"

Szayel's face matched his hair when he said

"You really love being my assistant?"

Tomo giggled

"Does a remarkable scientist like you really need me to put it into simpler language? Of course I do!"

At this point, Szayel was beyond comprehension .

"I-I Tomo-You-Really-I mean you honestly- oh god look at me, I can't seem to-to-gather-my thoughts-I-I...-"

"Well well well, I see that you're still alive Szayel Aporro" Drawled a voice akin to nails being dragged across a chalkboard.

"Damn. I was really praying to my lucky stars that you wouldn't be here when school started. I can't stand weaklings like you"

Szayel and Tomo made no effort whatsoever to mask their groans as they turned around to see a freakishly slender youth with shoulder-length greasy black hair.

"Nnoitra" Said Szayel curtly.

"So random of you to join us. I didn't even see you coming until your disgusting breath spontaneously triggered my gag reflex"

"Don't be f^&amp;*(g rude" Snapped the youth.

"I didn't come here to engage in banter with _you_. I'm here for the chick"

"1: The chick has a name. 2: It's Tomo. 3: She would prefer if you would use it and not refer to her as if she wasn't here" Snapped Tomo.

Nnoitra pushed Szayel off the bench and quite literally sprawled himself across Tomo. Had a teacher been present he would have been suspended for sexual harassment on the spot

"I don't understand why a mighty fine piece of !# like yourself is lowering her standards to the point at which they're scrapping the ground to that pink haired loser. Is it because you can easily pretend that he's a girl and feel like you're experimenting? Well if that's the case, how about you try a man for a while?" he drawled.

"Why don't you take a ride on my disco stick, Princess? I'll show you what it's like to be with a real man. I'll show you real good"

Tomo cringed.

"Szayel is a very good friend of mine and we have nothing going on other than a platonic relationship. I am not interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with you or anybody else. Now, if you don't mind, you are seriously violating my personal space as well as verging on sexual harassment and therefore I shall ask you nicely to get off of me and to stop your attempt to (what I can only presume to be as) dry humping. Please stop that"

"You're asking me to get my hands off a sexy %&amp;#!$ like you?" Replied Nnoitra cooly.

"You might as well ask me to pull out just before I make my big release. Which is coming up in thirty seconds"

With mounting horror, Tomo suddenly became aware of something poking her skirt.

"OH MY GOD. THAT'S DISGUSTING! YOU PERVERT GET THE FRICK OFF OF ME! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY TWISTED FOR GOD'S SAKE IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL THAT THING, THEN SEE A THERAPIST OR TAKE PILLS JUST PLEASE GET OFF OF ME THAT'S SO GROSS! OH MY GOD DO NOT GIVE YOUR GRAND FINALE ON MY OUTFIT I CAN'T GO AROUND SCHOOL WITH YOUR ESSENCE ON MY CLOTHING PLEASE GET OFF ME. SZAYEL! HELP ME!" She shrieked, quickly flying into a frenzied hysteria. What girl wouldn't when she found a strange guy about to do his business on her clothing.

Szayel tried to yank the demented wierdo off his friend but Nnoitra was heavier than his toothpick frame would have you to believe and he found himself seriously struggling.

Just when all hope was lost, a pair of olive hands tore out of nowhere and yanked Nnoitra off of Tomo and sent him sprawling on the floor.


	4. Harribel to the Rescue

The hand belonged to a willowy, well-endowed Senior girl. She had honey-blond hair that looked as though it had been cut with garden shears (and somehow it looked amazing) She was wearing a short, translucent gray blouse over a black tanktop, as well as a faded pair of cutoff jeans. Szayel thought that they seemed to have been fished out of a second-rate thrift shop, but on this girl, they could have been found on the racks of American Eagle. On her neck, there was what Szayel inferred to be a shark tooth hanging around a coil of faded, fragile, rope. All in all, her appearance looked hastiy and scruffy, yet the way she carried herself made the overall effect look vintage and hipster. This layed back outfit was a stark contrast with her sharp, narrow steely blue eyes that would not have looked out of place on the conquerer of an looked awe-inspiring, determined, and threatning. A force to be reckoned with. Dictators throughout history would have been more than willing to engage in hour long bedding wars over possesion of them (should eye transplants have been possible and the necessary scenarios had taken place) At the moment, they were filled with irritation and outrage, no doubt meant for Nnoitra.

Behind this girl was a slimmer one (no doubt also a senior) She had on a long, white blouse which extended far past her hands. Szayel wondered why she hadn't the sense to purchase an article of clothing that was at least roughly a match for her body proportions or at least tailored her shirt to fit them. At the moment, both her completely encompassed limbs were held in front of his mouth, for the purpose of concealing her fits of giggles. This precaution seemed rather infuriatingly useless because firstly the sleeves the length of the Nile river wouldn't have been sufficient in covering her upper torso, vibrating with frivolous audible snickering nor would they have supressed her almond-shaped eyes (was she Asian like Tomo?), scrunched up like a wad of used gum with her laughter. Szyael took into note that the girl was freakishly pale skinned (was today the first time she had entered the sunlight since the day of her birth or something?), had murky borwn hair that bordered on the edge of hunter-green and that there was a weird design done in makeup consisting of three pink polka dots in the corner of each of her eyes. Szayel found himself disliking this girl immensely.

"Harassing freshmen now?" Sighed the blond girl.

"That's a new low"

"And I really didn't think you could sink into any more practices that were more disgusting than you already did" Added the mouth-muffler in an infuriatingly taunting, childish voice.

"Once again, I overestimated you. When will I _ever_ learn that you are a total slimeball with no sense of dignity or standards whatsoever?"

Nnoitra pushed himself up hastily and glared at the muffler.

"Do you want a mouth full of loose teeth, Sung-sun?" He snapped.

"Not if my mouth is going to end up looking anything like yours" Replied the muffler (apparently called Sung-sun) cooly.

"Bitch!" Roared Nnoitra as he advanced towards her.

He was grabbed by his black vest and pushed backwards by the blond girl.

"Nnoitra," She said in a dangerous tone.

"If I didn't know from experience that reporting you to the teachers wouldn't make any difference with you, I would be marching you to the Principal's office right now"

Nnoitra smirked.

"Good to see that realization's finally been drilled into your thick head" He drawled.

"That said, I will not tolerate this behavior if I see it again" She continued

"And what are you going to do if you aren't relying on the oh-so powerful teachers?" Simpered Nnoitra.

"Do you want to find out?" She responded in a tone that said "you don't"

Nnoitra scoffed and glared at Tomo.

"I was just trying to boost your self-esteem on the first day, chinky" He muttered darkly

"Boost your morale. Give you the ultimate Freshman girl's experience. You know how many freshman chicks would kill to have a hot senior like me hit on you?"

"Last I checked, the ultimate Freshman girl's experience didn't involve having creepy, piano toothed, animated toothpicks harass them and try to soil their clothing with their bodily fluids" Cut in the blond

"And class will be starting in a few minutes so I suggest that you go to your first period"

If looks could kill, the blond girl would have been rendered to a bloody scrap of flesh by Nnoitra's livid expression. For a moment it seemed like he was going to lunge at her. Instead however, he swiftly turned around and began marching in the other direction, muttering what seemed like a multitude of ill fortunes upon the blond that involved her regretting her procreation.

Once the black-haired stick-insect was out of the way, Tomo shyly peered up at the Blond.

"Thanks for helping me with that creepazoid" She murmered.

"It was my duty" Responded the rescuer.

"My name is Tier Harribel and I'm head of the committee of student sexual harassment. I wouldn't deserve the post if I let perverted misogynists like that Noitra J. Gilga feel free to roam the campus, objectifying and making unwanted advancements towards any girl who's body proportions he approved of"

She spoke in a stately and authoritative voice, like the commander of an army. But at the same time, there was an underbelly of kindness and comfort in her tone that had been non-existant when addressing Nnoitra.

"It was totally cool how you got him to back off like that" Said Szayel sheepishly, feeling it would be inadequate for him not to compliment her after she had saved his friend when he could not.

"Well, he and I have a history that goes back to when we were freshman. I've been hindering his efforts to grope, stalk, and catcall girls long before I joined the committee" Admitted Harribel. Then she turned around.

"Sung-Sun," She addressed the muffler.

The girl named Sung-Sun nodded and withdrew a neon purple whistle and handed it to Harribel in a solemn display.

Harribel ceremoniously presented the instrument to Tomo in an oddly formal manner,

"This is a rape-whistle" Harribel might as well have said 'this is the secret of the universe' with the way she said this.

"If you ever find yourself being objectified or dehumanizedat the hands of a victim of the patriarchy, simply blow this and I guarantee you, one of the members of the commitee will hear it and immediately come to your defense"

Tomo took it, blushing and stuttering her thanks.

"Me and Sung-Sun have to go to our class now. You and your friend should do so as well" Said Harribel before walking off.

Szayel and Tomo stood dumbfoundedly after them until the latter feebly attempted to restart the conversation before things got too awkward.

"So...who do you have first period?"

"Biology with Mr. Ashido Kano"

"Oh good. I have him to, and we've been in front of his classroom this whole time. Now we won't be late"


End file.
